


Pascal

by SixPonderous



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Gen, M/M, bird mum / teetotal / ace Hendo, it's preslash if you squint, obviously, takes place when adam is new to liverpool, unbetaed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-06
Updated: 2018-02-06
Packaged: 2019-03-14 12:51:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13590426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SixPonderous/pseuds/SixPonderous
Summary: “Oh my god, that’s a person name. God. Fuck, Hendo.” Adam barks a loud laugh.Hendo blinks. “A lot of people—”“I get it mate. I don’t need the David Attenborough fucking—documentary special.”





	Pascal

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Booperesque](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Booperesque/gifts).



> if you like you can read this as the crack! spiritual successor to "but everyone says paris is romantic" by booperesque.

Adam Lallana is tapping the beat of a Chris Brown song on the side of his latte mug while Hendo goes on about finding a pet sitter for the weekend. Apparently, his mate who usually does it is out of town.  Adam is only half listening. Hendo has the tendency to be very, _very_ boring.

“Anyone’ll watch a dog, it’s not like it’s a big deal.”

“I have a bird.”

“Uh, okay. New topic, then. I don’t have one now. Single as ever, me.”

Hendo shakes his head. Is beaming. “No! A bird!”

For some reason instead of explaining with his words like a real adult human, he quickly flaps his hands like wings.

Adam is confused. “Uh, that’s not a thing.”

Hendo goes from excited to indignant. “It is! Lots of people have birds. My mate has a smaller bird so I feel most comfortable with him. But unlike dogs the difference between bigger birds and smaller birds is a lot, so it’s not ideal.”

Hendo is _adamant_. Adam takes a sip from his latte and contemplates this new development. “This might just be the most interesting thing about you.”

He takes the half-compliment with grace. Grins around his panini and takes this as an invitation to talk about his bird as if it’s an actual child and not a—a pet. Fuck.

“So—he’s a cockatoo. He is a parrot-- But not a macaw parrot. Those are the ones you usually expect when you think about parrots. The brightly colored ones, yeah? My bird is all white. His name is Pascal.”

“Oh my god, that’s a person name. God. Fuck, Hendo.” Adam barks a loud laugh.

Hendo blinks. “A lot of people—”

“I get it mate. I don’t need the David Attenborough fucking—documentary special.”

“Come by sometime.” Hendo offers, eyes bright with enthusiasm. “I don’t have people over to my flat very often. We could go to Nando’s and back to my flat, maybe. After training. There might be basketball on the telly.”

Adam can kind of see why Hendo doesn’t have very many friends, if he’s honest.

He’s fond though. And tolerates Adam, which is rare enough.

Adam finds himself agreeing. It’s worth it for Hendo’s grateful, very pleased smile.

()

“What. The _hell_. Is _THAT_.”

There is screeching and it’s not just coming from the large cage.

Hendo is delighted. “Pascal!” He walks over to the cage and unlatches it.

Adam is _terrified_.

“That is not a bird.”

“Sure he is!” The monster with feathers perches on Hendo’s shoulder and levels a look at Adam.

"Why is it a he? That's kinda-- that's a bit queer, innit?"

Hendo raises an eyebrow while Pascal headbutts Hendo's cheek. "Uh. Birds have genders. That's how baby birds are made."

“ _Hi_.”

Adam’s hand is twitching on the doorknob, tempted to run. “It said hi. That’s not a bird. Birds are small and sit on power lines, _fucking hell--_ ”

There are toys scattered across the living room which is otherwise very plain. Nice, but plain.

Pascal proceeds to jump down onto the floor to pick up a bright yellow wooden block. Walks right over to Adam and drops the block at his feet.

“ _Hi_.”

Hendo beams. “Oh, wow. He likes you.”

“Uh. How do you tell?” He toes the block and flinches, almost _shrieks_ when Pascal does not like that and hisses, spreading his wings intimidatingly. It is a _large_ bird. And it fucking walks around like a cat or dog.

“You’d know, I think. He doesn't like my dad very much. That's why he's my bird. Oh--Do you want anything to drink?"

"The hardest alcohol you have, thanks."

Hendo winces. "Uh. I don't drink alcohol so I don't have any. Uh, I've got tea and stuff. Protein powder if you want that in a smoothie, or something."

Adam stares at him blankly. He's convinced by now that Jordan Henderson is a figment of a fever dream than a real person who he plays football with. Nothing in his twenty six years of living has prepared him for this.

"How uh. How old is it?"

"He is twenty-seven. He'll live to be really old though. Like I said, Pascal doesn't like my dad too much so when my grandfather passed away I got him instead." He cuts up a banana and tosses the piece to the floor for the bird.

"Bullshit."

"Wikipedia is a thing, you know. Or, actually, I've got a book that my grandfather gave me if you want to give it a read."

Adam takes a long, deep breath and avoids looking at the very curious bird by watching the telly. "I'm good."

Hendo proves to be decent company out of acceptable socialization hours for teammates. Proper mate material even. They can have a normal conversation about football-- something Hendo is not oblivious or weird about but actually quite thoughtful-- only being interrupted by loud bird sounds every few minutes. 

Pascal settles on Hendo's lap and ducks his head, requesting to be pet. Hendo does so unthinkingly. Pascal's eyes close and okay, well, that's actually kind of cute. When the thing isn't screeching or trying to fly directly at Adam. Only kind of, it's still way too big to be permissible as a bird, and that it can say human words is more than unsettling. But the thing likes Hendo and Hendo likes it. It's very easy to imagine if Adam were not here Hendo would be doing this exact thing by himself.

He doesn't mind being a part of it. Having a friend. 

"He's a good boy." Hendo says quietly, as to not disturb the bird. "It feels less lonely around here with him around. Between him and football I don't do much."

"I... gathered that."

Adam tentatively reaches out to mimic Hendo's hand motion, to give little pets on the back of the bird's head.

Pascal wakes up from dozing  _immediately_ and shrieks at him. Adam jumps back like he's been burned but Pascal follows him to the other side of the couch and bites down on his hand.

"-- _FUCK_."

" _Hi_."

()

Adam leaves shortly thereafter nursing his hurt hand and pride. Is in dire need of alcohol.

"No." Hendo tells the now-calm Pascal sternly. But he is nuzzling his bird's belly. "Not allowed to be mean to my boyfriend."

Pascal seems to roll his eyes and sigh. He is three years older than Hendo and has twice the life experience.

 _"Hi._ "

()

Hendo calls Adam that night instead of waiting the appropriate amount of time that he has been told is appropriate for dates. He's not very experienced on the matter but he had a good time and Adam didn't seem too upset when he left.

He is playing football with Pascal while waiting for Adam to answer.

(It took a solid two years to train the bird into knocking the tiny ball into the tiny net instead of taking the ball and chewing it for fun, or taking the ball and running away, or knocking down the net triumphantly. But by now Pascal seems to have gotten the hang of it, and Hendo isn't sure if he's more entertained by watching his avian friend play football, or if Pascal is more amused by Hendo's enthusiasm.)

He also purchased a Liverpool scarf that hangs in the back of the cage that has definitely seen better days.

"... Hullo?"

"Hey Ads. Uh, I can call you that right? This was fun. I hope you can come over again sometime."

Adam had only  _just_ gotten home. He blinks. "Uh, sure thing mate. Maybe keep the bitey fucker in the cage though, yeah?"

Hendo hesitates and exchanges a look with Pascal. He looks unimpressed, which is not an unusual look. "I suppose that would be okay. I can shut him in my room for a bit, unless we go in there for whatever reason."

Adam nods slowly. "Well, okay then. I will see you tomorrow at training then, Skip."

Hendo beams. "Yes. Okay. Bye." He hangs up the phone and Pascal drops the hoodie string and climbs up to his shoulder.

"I have a second date." Hendo informs him, since it's polite to keep your roommate informed of your personal life when it involves them indirectly or otherwise. "He said okay to room activities, which is promising. Also that he would be back but you can't attack him. I'll get you a new toy if you don't."

Pascal headbutts his cheek again while Hendo gets ready to cover his cage for the night. It's a bit ridiculous how Hendo is happily bouncing around over what Pascal and any other bird or human would insist is nowhere near a date.

" _Silly boy_ _! Silly_ _boy!"_

**Author's Note:**

> this is the first thing i write since august. and it's bird mom hendo. of course. not my 50 wips. nope, this i'm-not-even-going-to-edit-it-much crack fic.
> 
> booperesque enjoy my mate and fellow avian enthusiast <3
> 
> (even tho i guarantee this is shite)


End file.
